scream if you want to
Tim Buckley: '......everything in the outside world is not the world, cars, your suit......what's the world is what's inside...'
scattered thoughts, like the ones in my brain from Tim Buckley, there is more on you tube, duh; just as a reminder here to myself there are folks out there who have always felt this; I remember as a young girl looking at adults and also at other kids and thinking: do they mean what they're saying, do they really mean it, or are they acting? are they really feeling what I'm feeling and do they know like I do: it doesn't matter what we do; we have one life, live it, live it now.
Also, if you don't like someone don't pretend you do, don't greet them with kisses and hug them, just don't and if you do like some one: tell them, show them you care and don't be afraid they might reject you, if they do it won't kill you. You go on. Boy, but if they do care about you like you care about them: wow, that's gonna be great, right!!
As a child I saw it, how come others didn't I couldn't get my head around that, I'm telling you: people were upset by what I said and I learnt to shut up.
Last week driving in the car all by myself, I felt an overwhelming urge to scream - why? you may ask, because of Life, because I'd just about had enough and because my back hurt, another painful period, hey still fertile, or maybe just the last batch of eggs collectively exiting my body - anyway, I felt the urge to scream and I was like censoring myself (don't be an idiot, you can't scream! not here alone in the car) Ha, that's control-freaking in a big way, so I just let go and screamed and my throat like doubled and it was beyond me and then it stopped and I felt relief and okay. My throat did not feel sore. On I drove and that was that, I came back home, was greeted by the dog, saw my men and felt liberated in a small way.
|I see the silhouette of a dog in the inner lines, which itself is placed in a lion's head|
more signs of life in the logs destined for the woodburner; once I'd spotted the slug and wood louse, I took it outside again and they can either decide to move out or stay put, I'm not going to burn them (even if it is pretty cold today)
I wasn't happy with the 9 patch as it didn't feel like me or mine, however I wanted to keep it as the 9 patch was the starting point for this piece, so for it to become 'mine' I had to pervert it by cutting into it, choosing circles, as they represented the opposite of squares, something I had done before (f.e.in Motherhood) and placing very thin fabric, puffed up-or not, creating 'opaque windows' or billowing bumps, something I had not done before. Front and back both becoming viewable and equally important. Another piece with bumps
the so-called back is interesting to me as the windows and stitches are more visible, the eye is led to the details
whereas on the 'front' the eye is distracted by all the colours and shapes.
The whole piece is not necessarily 'beautiful' and I like pretty, but I'm letting that go for now, just focusing on what I'm learning here, the process of sewing and the technical challenges of having 'good' stitching on both sides and getting the thin bits of fabric just 'right' in the cut out circles.