middle class angst

I particularly like it rolled up into a bundle

a couple of days a month I feel down, or should I say, there are moments during certain days when I feel sadder than usual or circumstances warrant, not that I feel sad most of the time, quite the contrary, most of the time I am okay
okay with being here, noticing small stuff, catching glimpses of the big picture, aware of the continual suffering of wo/mankind, accepting more and more how this is part of A life, however unimportant I am, anyone is; this One Life we are given as a human being; that emotions are fleeting and you do not have to indulge each and every up or down, let them pass
anyway, those moments when I really feel this existential pain (no longer menstruation related as it's been a year now since I had my last period, I sense it is cyclic nonetheless) I also feel the need to express this in a material form, in actual matter, cloth for instance, and what I hope to achieve is an object that can remind me of what it was that I felt, whilst at the same time offering comfort, something along the lines: that was then, this is now, all kinds of stuff happens....and guess what, you are still here

p.s. I have more to add, and will do so later on

what do Lin Yutang & Father John Misty have in common?

I think 'Winter's Night and Day' is an appropriate title for these 2, that go together

years ago when I was very much searching for 'answers' I read a lot (much more than I manage these days, although some would say I still read lots) and in my quest for knowledge and useful insights into life, living et cetera, I used to copy passages from the books and many articles I ploughed my way through; I had a couple of notebooks full of these all important quotes, until one day (I no longer recall what year!) I decided to pair the collection down and for now unfathomable reasons the ones I considered worth keeping landed in this metal box, together with several cut-out news paper reviews; I haven't looked into the box for years, ha!

the stuff in there is still interesting, thankfully

I like this one for today: Lin Yutang "The Importance of Living" a book I found in my grandparents' house when we were clearing it out in the late eighties
'Speaking as a Chinese, I do not think that any civilization can be called complete until it has progressed from sophistication to unsophistication and made a conscious return to simplicity of thinking and living, and I call no man wise until he has made the progress from the wisdom of knowledge to the wisdom of foolishness and become a laughing philosopher, feeling first life's tragedy and then life's comedy. For we must weep before we can laugh. Out of sadness comes the awakening and out of the awakening come the laughter of the philosopher, with kindness and tolerance to boot.'

the quote is linked, in my mind, to Father John Misty's latest album Pure Comedy. I have been listening to his music a lots these past weeks, and on Monday the husband and I attended his concert in Utrecht!
It was absolutely awesome, I took some hazy pics with my phone, we were very close to the stage and I almost shook his hand as he walked of the stage.....I know it's stupid to want to make contact like that, so I'm completely okay with the fact it didn't happen; weird how we were all their trying to make connections with him and not one another, all seated/standing so close to each other, one of modern day life's ironies

link to Pitchfork concert

ending with yet another quote,from Zorba:

'Only death knows no trouble. To be alive is to undo your belt & look for trouble.'

(be)longing

being at home, a work in progress

 twirling, 2 seperate small journeys, balancing each other on a thin reed (I would very much like to keep them together ánd on this delicate stalk, however I think I will have to find something sturdier) there are already so many stitches, yet so many more to go, like living life come to think of it

The dress & the windsock each have a house, a home.

I realise homes can mean many different things, depending on where you happened to land.

If you are lucky you were born into a home where you were made to feel welcome and loved, protected and safe, most of the time anyway; however there are many homes where growing up would be a pretty lonely affair, loveless, violent even; the blue-print for our lives is set, it impacts on how we dare te dream; no matter that we always have a choice once we’re all grown-up and responsible for our own actions; it is hard work this business of living a life.......we sleep, eat, watch tv, make love, relax, fight in our homes; we watch our children growing up, leaving and returning home. 

We might be bored by the humdrum familiarity of being at home, and yet, where would we be without this sense of belonging? Lost and looking for ‘a home’ I’m guessing, it took me quite a while to find one

HOME

wordless

Huun-Huur-Tu