DarkDream
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Monster with bird's head; detail The Hell, in The Garden of Earthly Delights Hieronymus Bosch |
The Abyss*
It’s dark, we’re a
group, we’re each of us riding a bike. So the nightmare starts with a group of
people riding a bike in an unknown town and it’s dark. I’m leading the pack, I
think we’re heading in the right direction and I’m urging everyone to keep on
going as it’s dark already and it might be raining as the streets are wet and
shining with the streetlights’ reflections. We end up in the wrong place, I
don’t know where we are, I do know one thing: we’re lost.
I ask this guy for
directions; he points to somewhere behind me, we have to go back, he says; oh
no not all the way back, that’s too much; it’s okay he says, we can take a
shortcut, we can cycle through the mall which has appeared next to us. Through
the mall? I ask, you must be joking. He assures us it’s fine, this is a mall
you’re allowed to cycle through and at the end of it, there is a way out and
we’ll be nearer to our goal.
Off we all go into the
mall, we cycle through it as fast as we can without knocking over any of the shoppers;
we reach the end and there is no way out, not that we can see anyway. Again, I have
to ask someone. The man I ask looks at me and says: there is no way out here,
madam. Are you sure I ask, a guy told us there would be. Again he says: no, no
way out here, you’ll have to go back. I’m panicking , we’ll never make it on
time, the mall is closing….I’m confused. Then someone in our group shouts:
here’s the exit, we can get out here. I turn angrily to the man who denied
there was an exit, he just shrugs his shoulders as if he had forgotten about
it.
No matter, we have to
rush, keep moving. The way out is a very steep stairway we have to walk up and
we can hold the bikes on our right side and pull them up on a narrow sill
especially for the bikes. It’s heavy going and we’re making slow progress. I’m
the last in line. In front of me is a tiny woman of Indonesian origin almost
bent double with age. Then a young boy, in front of him a girl in her late
teens, scantily dressed. She’s having a really tough time climbing, she’s
holding the rest of us back. Quit stalling I shout at her and almost at the top
she stumbles and the boy behind her trips and falls to the left. He almost
drops all the way down. I scream his name: Marcel! Marcel hold on. And I’m
leaning over and on top of the old lady and pushing him up with my left arm and
my right hand is still holding on to the bike, because I’m aware that if I let
it drop someone else below might get hurt. I hear a voice behind me; it’s the
man who said there was no exit, he says to me: you can let go of the bike, I’ve
got it. I let go of the bike and now I can push the boy with two arms and as he
turns his face to me I recognize his face: oh no, this cannot be: he’s my
youngest son, he’s not called Marcel. I scream my husband’s name, apparently he
was in our group, he rushes back and with one arm pulls our son up to safety.
I wake up in tears, the
image of our son at the top of the stairs, almost dropping …..I can’t get rid
of it, I get up, go to the toilet and back in bed try reading, the nightmare-feeling
is still there, the sight of him dangling, I don’t understand it. I hug my
husband and hold on to him, eventually I manage to fall asleep again. The next
day the horrible image is still in my head and I tell my husband about the
dream to try and make it feel less real. Thankfully the image isn’t there all
the time, I can let it go, kind of.
A few days later I tell a close friend and she
can explain the dream to me. Thanks to her I now know what it signifies and am
surprised at my initial lack of understanding. My subconscious had an
incredibly forceful message for me.
It still hurts when I talk about this dream,
when I think about it, as I’m writing it down here. I tell myself it is just that:
a dream. But if I’m worth anything, I have to listen to what my brain is
telling me. Meditate on the dream, examine this pain, what is it exactly that hurts and why does it
hurt so much. Do not look away, do not look away from the abyss.
*The nightmare occurred
early Monday morning April 1 2013, around 4 a.m.
Comments
She was 15 at the time (which should explain it well!)I don't think of it often, but when I remember, it's like it was last night, not 15 years ago.
Writing helps.
Thank you for sharing your dream with us.
Nancy, how many children do you have, you've mentioned a son and a daughter?
My son is 32 and my daughter will be 30 in June. She has a son (10yr)
yes, it's possible that I am old enough to have these two...but when did that happen?!!! Ha :)
So, there you have it.