As of late I have this pervasive sensation my life is actually fluid, not quite but almost intangible; as if the me is constantly losing bits that together shape the me. I have no idea if others experience the same. Life has been muddled, unfocused these past few weeks. I don’t know if it’s age or perhaps I have only now become aware of this state of being, or maybe it’s my imagination. Things get done, pieces are finished, toilets are clean beds are made, dinners prepared, but I myself seem to be floating through it all, as I mentioned, without true focus. Everything changes, all the time….these words strung together were just that up until a while ago: now they are my whole reality; I am changing, everyone and everything around me is constantly changing. The solidness is illusory, the thing is, I don’t care, it is as it is: ever changing. My view has shifted ever so slightly, the shift in perception however seems monumental.
Nature surrounding me is cyclic, the buds blossom into flowers into fruits into mouths into waste, life and death and back to life again.
I am and I am not cyclic; in the obvious manner of periods and predictable mood swings, yes; however I move through my world from a beginning towards an ending. I don’t know what is going to happen in a day, I am fluid, I am losing sense of self
so i am just coming back off and
on, re reading the words.
I don't know.
And when you say that you are & are not 'cyclic'...this makes me think. Is that part of it, that I am not cyclic? I don't know that either and that is ok...because I can let it go.
It's ok not to know...to just keep going however one does.
I've rambled here, because this floaty thing keeps me somewhat unfocused.
I'm glad you posted this. You've made me think and feel less alone.
A state of being I'm not too familiar with, this puzzles me
In the clear, unbiased moments there is indeed an incredible lightness to it all, the weightlessness of effortless breathing and being. I am me and you are you, we all are, I mean how amazing is that!
Are you back from Spain, I'll check in over at your blog.
I love this idea that before a change comes a period (not THAT kind of period), comes a TIME, of disequilibrium.