thoughts up till now

there never was a state of grace, a garden of eden, perfect balance

from the momentous big bang, there was turmoil, evolution, growth, struggle, birth, death, pain, suffering, longing, loving, nurturing, creation, destruction, chance

life 'wants' to live

as long as there has been life on earth, there has been and will always be chaos on this planet. as long as there are living beings that 'want' to live, they will feed off and on each other, and there will be chaos and at moments we will feel in control and connected and joyous and moments where we realise the totality of the chaos and feel lost and suffer and yet this is As Is
and we need not suffer

and one day there might be balance on earth, and I fear that day because I think that will mean all and everything is dead, so I embrace chaos

and I also think everything is connected, although it is impossible, where my mind is at now, for me to see how, and that doesn't even matter, and everything being connected isn't a good thing or a bad thing, it's the way things are

and sometimes whilst making what I make I feel the connection and with that comes joy and suffering

p.s. as I see it there's no master plan, no ultimate goal, no special reason for being here


deanna7trees said…
interesting thoughts to ponder. i do think that the only peace we will ever find is within ourselves.
Saskia said…
yes I think you're right
did it take long to decide which
photograph of you to place with these words? it's a wonderful pic.
your expression...

i wish i had hair like yours.

oh, well, i don't.

and to your thoughts, yes, but
there IS, somewhere always within
my experience of the days, there is
a sense that there IS reason. there IS purpose, particular purpose. that in my life, i may never know if that is so, or What
it might be...
but just so much feels like some kind of magnetic pull, familiarity,
intense resonance (to use an overused word)
Saskia said…
Grace: not long, I 'd taken a quick pic to mail a friend in Ireland, as we haven't seen eachother for real since 2006 (ouch!!) and it felt perfect for this post.
Hair: why do we women want hair we don't have!? I do like mine now, but wow a full head of red curls and freckles would have ben super.

And perhaps there is a reason-on-a-day-to-day-basis, I mean in my everyday life I feel love, the need to make: a lust for life, but I'm guessing when I'm dead our children will remember me....but once they are gone: who ?
and that is okay, and maybe some of the stuff I have made will pass on a snippet of storytelling, but new stories will emerge and take over....I'm here and I do what I can, now.
it's drizzling rain out there so
am thinking.
i never think anything at all about being remembered. that has
no importance at all to me.
so, what is it? i ask self?
it's just the being in wholehearted Response to the planet i love, have always loved since i was first aware of it..
maybe 3 or 4 yrs old i think?
Saskia said…
well the sun is still shining over here and I'm so enjoying my week off! my thoughts and movements are so much more relaxed and my head ( or is it my heart?) is overflowing......of course being here wholeheartedly and without Fear, that's what Life here is about...and growing older has brought me many things (wrinkles and grey hairs) more importantly I am less and less fearful and can more and more embrace being me, love to you Grace



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