pensive mood

 bird's head popped up in dye!

yesterday was bright and sunny, today by contrast wet and grey; went for a walk on both days, of course we did, Django desires a swim and I crave the exercise, we both need something, might as well share the walk; my brother dropped by for lunch, that was nice; normally I would be working on the Monday, but I have a week off, so do the boys, or should I say it's their last week of the Summer holidays; my plan is to get them sorted and ready for school, insofar as they need me to or offer permission to meddle in their and when did this happen? time is a fleeting nothingness, their faces and bodies show me proof of lives evolving and how suddenly we've slipped into the future, how odd I hadn't noticed it was happening all around me all the time
they're turning into young men whilst I am becoming an old woman, trapped in my aging skin; however gawky they might at times still be, they possess the innate beauty of youth, completely unaware of their impact on older generations, living in the moment as they tend to do; forging their own paths, hiking along a new trail with tentative steps, becoming bolder each day, until they're moving ever faster and you feel like they're running away from you; but they're not, as they're running towards their own future

it's as it should be, and so it must be right, but it does make me feel a tad melancholy


Mo Crow said…
I love the bird head appearing in your dye and re gettin' old... here's one from Keith Richards-
"Getting old is a fascinating thing. The older you get the older you want to be."
& he's still doin' just fine!
Saskia said…
thanks Mo, for all of your kind words - it is fascinating, all of it.....
stop a minute and really look...
you are still young in many ways.
really let yourself appreciate that.

it is this last year that i have
, or really my body has, succumed to
skin and bones. I still look and am surprised by this. I'm getting to be a lot like your "road toads".
Saskia said…
oh I do Grace, I'm more upset or whatever I should call it, by the undeniable fact that the boys are becoming men and they are 'leaving'

not in the literal sense at this moment in time, but more & more they are moving towards their own future, their life, without me
Anonymous said…
"time is a fleeting nothingness, their faces and bodies show me proof of lives evolving and how suddenly we've slipped into the future" --
this is by far and away the hardest part of the empty nest (Day 9, here)
Saskia said…
oh Dee, you're actually moment I'm angry 'cos there's mess and spillage everywhere and suddenly I realize how empty the house feels when everyone's gone (although in my case they do come back most nights)
I'm glad you have a Project to keep you busy and the mind and heart excited, preoccupied and creative!
Nancy said…
Here couple a months later and still I know these feelings must come and go. Every now and then I miss my boy, now man of 34...I miss the nights we'd sit up at midnight conversing about important things...each sharing their opinion, the back and forth of it. But time does march on and things evolve into whatever they are supposed to. You'll fall into that marching line, I know you will.
And except for the painful parts, aging is OK by me.
In the first pic, what you see as a bird, I see as the left eye (the only eye) of a woman's face :)
Saskia said…
34 , that's twice the age of our eldest, he'll be 18 Nov.13

time sure has flown, he's ready to fly from our nest, after he's graduated of course!

being a mum is what matters most I think, it's also such a physical thing, you cannot undo it; a gift from them to us and vice versa....there will definitely be more posts about this



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