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went to the vet's on Monday and this afternoon, it's bad news I'm afraid; Tungsten's blood values show his red blood cell count is way too high and today this reading was confirmed with an ultrasound, one of his kidney's in a bad way, all this means is that T is not well, he's lost weight because he doesn't want to eat much (always a bad sign with a labrador, the main reason in fact I decided to go to the vet) there's no real treatment, anything that could be done would only be a postponement of the inevitable; what really hurts is the fact that we have to decide for him when enough is enough
I stitched a dog even before basting on the right, I had to give form to the ache


basting follows cloth
I follow dog

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Hi, I'm an artist. ' Art might simply be the awareness of how we might create self. That we do. What happens, and then, what we do about it. The story. And the expression of that.' Jude Hill - Spirit Cloth [with kind permission]

Comments

Katla Hasterok said…
I love your fabrics and stitching! Get well soon to Tungsten!
23 October 2013 at 18:33
Marti said…
A hug to you Saskia and a hug for dear Tungsten. It is so hard to make the decision. When our girls were little, they each had a cat and a dog although Skipper was more my husband's dog. He was a mix, half German shepherd and half lab, a big dog. I never had pets as a child so I was not all that comfortable with them but over the years, Skipper and I would sit side by side outside, when I would read or work in the garden. His bark was fierce but it was the only scary thing about him...we often joked that he would bark at a burglar and then go up and lick his hand! After many years, when he became ill and surgery would not help, it was my husband who made the decision to let him go. I did not go with him to the vet but when he returned, I remember just bursting into tears because Skipper had crept into my heart and it was like losing family...
23 October 2013 at 19:28
Saskia said…
hi Katla, thank you and welcome here; I'm afraid he's not going to get really better

hello Marti: it is as you describe; it is funny how a visit to the vet's made it all so real and yet here he is, still in our midst, surreal! we went for our walk this morning with a friend and her dog and T looks great, and yet and yet....underneath it all we know....
24 October 2013 at 14:35
Suzanna said…
So sorry to hear about Tungsten, Saskia...
24 October 2013 at 17:14
Valerianna said…
OH, the worst news... I'm so sorry, too, that you will need to be the one to decide when it is time. I know there is a lot of information out there that helps with knowing when that time is. I am hoping that my elder kitty will someday just not wake up. A good way to go. Blessings to you and a wish for the ache to lessen as you find love in sharing time with Tungsten.
24 October 2013 at 18:04
grace Forrest~Maestas said…
it is possible to let Tungsten decide maybe. if he is not in pain, but
even then, things can lessen the pain. in the same way as with
human elders. we make them comfortable and sit with them until they go. however many hours or
years that takes.
Love to you and Love to Tungsten
and Love to the Love between you.
you are a better woman for it.

24 October 2013 at 19:32
Saskia said…
thank you for your kind words Grace, Valerianna and Suzanna, he doesn't seem to be in much pain and today his appetite returned, almost as if he wants to prove us wrong; anyway while he is still here we enjoy each other's company and I sincerely hope he will let us know when he's had enough
24 October 2013 at 19:45
Nancy said…
Oh Saskia, so sad to hear this news. May you enjoy all of your moments together, day by day.
25 October 2013 at 06:12
Saskia said…
oh Nancy, I know....he is doing rather well despite it all....strange how my knowledge influences how I see him, had I not gone to the vet's I would have been none the wiser; we live day by day
25 October 2013 at 20:45
jan said…
saskia, I'm so sorry to hear your bad news. I lost my cat Lucy earlier this year; they're our family and it's such a tough call when we have to do that final act of love for them. Cos it is love; to make that decision to let them go. It's very hard. My thoughts and my love to you all. X
26 October 2013 at 11:22
Saskia said…
hi Jan, thank you, all that you say is true, it's good to know you're out there
26 October 2013 at 20:28
Julie S said…
that bottom photo is one of the most exquisite I have ever seen...
For what it is worth, it has been my experience that they tell us when it is time. But then again, I have never had the balls to leave the whole thing in their hands. Compassion or cowardice, who knows. What really matters is these days now and I feel the sadness behind yiur eyes when you look at him.
28 October 2013 at 03:50
Saskia said…
yes Julie, what matters are indeed the days, weeks?? we still have together and I hope he will let us know...but if not we have made up our minds to let him go 'when the time has come' and not force the nasty treatments upon him for our sake
28 October 2013 at 19:10
Sweetpea said…
Not sure how I landed here on your blog this evening, Saskia .... just skipping around the interpixies of folks working in cloth ... and it is this post that grabs at my heartstrings. One day I will probably have to make this decision for my beloved furry one as well [she is almost 10] and I hope that I will have the strength that you have had to say, "Go now ..." It is the kindest and most unselfish, I think.

It seems you are making peace with your sadness in that lovely Tungsten cloth. I'm so sorry he won't be with you anymore, but may he be running strong & free with all the other Dogs Above ... and may all of them look out for us humans & help us have the strength when we need it.

Christi
11 November 2013 at 04:02
Saskia said…
Christi, it would seem everything I touch has to do with Tungsten now, so that is good for me; you will know for your own what to do and when; we buried him yesterday and he looked PeaceFul.
11 November 2013 at 07:00
Anonymous said…
again, I am late to the condolence, but I am so sorry, Saskia- Tungsten has been such a big part of this blog, among other things... the fellow stitchers in my circle were such a help to me during the weeks that I was saying goodbye to Jack, I hope there has been solace here for you as well...

I don't know if you remember, but I stitched a dog, then appliqued a dog over ripped out stitches, then pulled off the applique and ultimately left the shreddy stitches as a portrait of his leaving...
15 November 2013 at 19:53
Saskia said…
hi Dee, yes the comments here were and continue to be a huge comfort in my hour(s) of grief; the impact of losing our dog has been big, I had no idea how big it would be; the house, the studio, the walks just aren't the same without him; it's not just the-absence-of-the-dog I really miss this particular dog, he was such a character, and I now know you must have felt the same with Jack....and yes I do remember your shreddy stitches
16 November 2013 at 09:15
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