excitable tree trunks
The tale of the demanding queen
Once upon a time there were two trees that were too shadowy for the queen's liking and she decided they had to come down. She had also made up her mind to let the king take care of all the practicalities of chopping down trees, too messy and noisy for her.
The king of course had other plans; in his spare time he had no intention of chopping down trees, he'ld rather be driving here and there and maybe watch football on the telly, with a pint of beer in one hand and a bag of crisps in the other. Even better, when he thought nobody was looking, he could doze off for a bit on the couch, mmmm....bliss.
By now the queen had become quite disgruntled by the lack of activity and she started nagging the king: when are you going to chop down the trees? Soon, he promised. Yes, but when? she shreeked, startling passers by. Any day now, he replied.
After many such a conversation, the king, who by now was well and royally fed up, called in the help of his troops. They set about with saws and ladders and earplugs and goggles and a lot of pacing back and forth and measuring the height and the width of the shady trees, but at long last and much to the queens's relief, down they came. The branches were chopped off, their trunks sawn into slices, all stacked and ready to dry. All waiting for winter.
The queen was immensly satisfied and looked forward to long winter evenings sitting by the roaring fire, with a cup of tea, or maybe even a glass of red wine. Reading and enjoying the heat of the trees in the midst of snowy winter nights. However, she had not reckoned with the elation and sense of freedom the tree trunks felt after the sudden release from their roots: now they could move about and roam all over the gardens as they pleased. During their wanderings they came upon a creature so unlike anything they had ever seen before: a beautiful mermaid half-hidden in the ivy, with a golden skin and a shiny blue-green tail. Ohh, they were captivated and became very excited: instead of laying quietly in their stacks, drying for the fires, they headed off in search of love!
So the king and his troops had done their duty, the queen had lost her logs and had to start knitting before winter arrived. What became of the excitable tree trunks and the mermaid, that my friends is another story altogether.