jottings

 


Been away awhile, mentally I mean, perhaps physically as well now I come to think of it…..my body was giving off multiple signs I was heading for another burn-out. As is so often the case folks say: ‘once you’ve experienced a burn-out you are more susceptible to short-circuiting again.’ I accepted this truism as a fact, thinking I would have to try and avoid situations that bring on stress in my life. But lately, it just seemed more and more situations were pressing my stress-buttons, sometimes all at once!

‘Is what people say true? Does one burn-out lead more easily to another? And if so, why?’ I asked myself. ‘Also, how on earth am I going to be able to avoid stressful situations?’

The answer is simple: I won’t.

I will not be able to avoid them, shit happens to a larger or lesser degree, all the time, to everybody, everywhere. And that, dear reader, turned out to be my light-bulb moment, because I realised it doesn’t have to be this way, I don’t have to walk the same route as I have done countless times before.

What I should be considering is: how am I going to deal with difficulties, emotional events and so on? How I LET myself react and LET those events impact my life are determined by ME. Thoughts are not ‘real’, they are how I might perceive a situation. I can take a step back and look at what’s happening, take a moment to consider, or longer if that’s what it takes.

I am responsible for my [re]actions.

I cannot blame my parents (why did they not see the real me?) society (women are objectified, duh) friends (why are they late, again?) others-in-general (why do they pollute/make noise/procreate/not understand me?)

I do not control anyone else.

 


I didn’t uncover these insights on my own, of course not. There are people out there willing to help, IF you ask. My most recent helper is a lady named Sabine Schoch, an acupuncturist living in the same village who helped me relax with the needles and asked a bucket-load of questions which got me re-thinking my situation. Underlying so much of our pain, my pain, is fear. Fear of being unloved, unseen, unheard, fear of not being ‘good enough’, on and on, the list is endless. Out of fear we do strange things. Looking at my fear: what brings on my bodily stress? feel that and ask yourself what has caused it. I can no longer turn my back on those signals (if I want to survive), but must face them. Own them. Choose to live.

If all this sounds a lot like staring at my belly-button, as we say in Dutch (navelstaren) so be it. My blog, my space. You are welcome to visit and free not to.

Know I have been reading other blogs, rarely commenting, plus commenting on my phone was impossible most of the time and type pad blogs had issues, as we all know. I find great comfort in the blogs that are listed here to the left and feel a connection to the ever expanding fleet sailing alongside our Mothership Jude.

'Mr.Mole' and 'Hare dreaming of becoming a ballerina'
prints on transparent paper, an experiment




Apart from all this inward contemplation, there was some looking out too. Together with a friend we did a tour of local artists’ studios during Open Atelier route WaardArt weekend, where we got a chance to meet several local artists in their workspace. One even came to visit my studio after the weekend: a new connection in the field of art. I am currently applying for membership of said group. My own studio is becoming more and more a place where I can actually work: less clutter, more work surfaces! And I’m finally getting to grips with my printer, beautiful saleable prints as a result……my tidy-up customers are few and far between, but they are there, hanging in with me in these troubled times. A Tangible Memory for L.v.L. made and stuffed with remnants from some of her oldest bed linens, yellow tulips and relief squares:



The parents continue to need our attention and care, so there’s still quite a bit of travelling up and down the country for the foreseeable future. However, this week I’m house-bound as the husband has a severe cold* and we have to wait for his covid-test/--results before I can head South to visit them. * we don’t think it’s covid but better safe than sorry…..

 


A small gathering in the Sangha in honour of Michelle Ms Uncertainty Principles who sadly passed away. I think it would have made Michelle smile; she was so generous in her comments f.e. ‘Lovely lovely thrice lovely visit to your world. Thank you. You are a fresh breeze and a welcome spirit.’ * So was she xx 



Comments

Mo Crow said…
(((Saskia))) you shine on so bright, thanks for the Lennon flashback, had 'Imagine' on replay in my head all day yesterday
Marti said…
You are wise and honest Saskia in how you deal with the stress in your life. Yes,you are right in that you can't avoid the tough times no matter how and when they come. Admitting that there are moments when we just need to scream, pull back, get away...and then go on, it how we go about our days. All of the stresses in the world in 2020 plus the health of your parents, well, I don't need to say anything else. We aren't human if we don't flail about now and then, feel like we are definitely losing it, want to shout down the world...in fact, all of these actions seem to me to be the way to handle this unbelievable time.

I'm pretty even keeled but this summer proved to be a rough time for me when my husband had to unexpectedly have open heart surgery. I held it together all summer long but now and then lately, I erupt with some anger at things that seem so insignificant. So I accept that held back stress is seeking a way to come out and let it come.

So happy to hear that you are considering membership in your artists group. They will be so lucky to have you for a member because of your fresh and original creativity.

I hope that your husband's test results turn out to be negative and thank you for sharing with us. You truly are, as our dear Michelle noted, "a fresh breeze and a welcome spirit."
honest, genuine, Real

it's Life. and you are meeting your life straight on and with
such Heart.

and yes, Michelle would so love the gathering.
Nancy said…
Dearest Saskia, just come as you are, you are loved. I think self-care is so hard for so many, including me. I told a long time friend that recently, that I'm not very good at that, but I do try. So I appreciate your strength and resolve in this area.
How nice to be able to join the artist's group and spend time with like minded folks. Your sweet rememberance pillow is so sweet.
And of course those at The Dwelling gathering to celebrate Michelle, I agree she would be touched. :)
Fingers crossed for your husband's return to good health.
Take care, be well. xo
Liz A said…
I find oftentimes colds are the body's way of saying "you will stop now and rest" ... hopefully your husband's malady is just that

and I do love the gathering for Michelle ... even as I miss the comment she surely would have written
Saskia said…
hi Mo, some days shine some days rain.....always a silver lining though, that is in my nature;-)

oh that must have been a worrisome, scary Summer for you Marti, on top of everything else that's going on in the world and the US; I hope he recovers and feels better for it, you too and of course you have to let off steam now and then, nothing like a good scream to re-set the nerves

((heart)) yes Grace, I need to remember to listen to it

'come as you are' wow Nancy, that just about sums it up doesn't it? I feel we should be saying that a lot more to ourselves and each other!

the body speaks to us Liz, yes a comment from Michelle would have been perfect

to all: isn't it wonderful how Michelle has meant so much to our circle, she truly was a kind soul

ravenandsparrow said…
So glad to see you here Saskia...I've been thinking of you and wondering how you are doing. Fingers crossed for your husband and for your relaxation and peace of mind.
Saskia said…
well Dana the test was negative, I have to admit we were a tad disappointed, thinking if this is it it's okay.....that's how our brains work; thank you for thinking about me, that is ultra sweet and good to know! I visit your blog regularly but find I can no longer comment, have to work out a way around that problem....... you would think with all the technology that's out there these issues would no longer have to pose problems for us users, exactly the opposite seems to be the case: the more sophisticated and therefore more complicated it gets the more complicated it gets! ggrrrrrr
anyway, stepping off my hobby horse;-) just saying Dana: thx for visiting and managing a comment

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