stork snail OldBirdKing Marlon Williams

‘Saskia?’

‘Yes, OldBirdKing.’

‘I have a favour to ask you.’

‘Anything OBK, your wish is my command.’

‘Okay, here goes; I was wondering of you wouldn’t mind taking notes?’

‘Huh? What notes?’

‘Mine.’

‘Why yes, of course I’ld be happy to, why me, if you don’t mind my asking?’

‘Well, to be perfectly honest I can’t myself, that is I can’t write, not using your alphabet, I read and write Birdspeak, not to be found on any laptop I know of, so if we could converse and you then write everything down in proper English……….what I want is for you to communicate my thoughts via your blog, which is in itself another favour. Which I should have asked first I guess.’

‘Oh my OBK, I would be honoured, absolutely…….I’m sure the readers such as there are, would be delighted and very interested in reading what you have to say. When shall we start?’

‘How ‘bout now? If you have time?’

‘For you OBK, always; I’ll just get my laptop, paper and pen and let’s get cracking. This is all rather exciting if you don’t  mind my saying so!’

And so the recording began; I’m no good at shorthand, at times I forgot to write, caught up as I was in his words and we had to go back to what had been said, other times I couldn’t quite grasp what he meant, exactly. Even though there was always room for me to ask questions it didn’t feel right when he was in a flow and I didn’t want to interrupt. So any misinterpretation in my notes is entirely on me.

OldBirdKing  ‘Let’s start at the beginning which is usually a good place to start. You know I’m not the worrying type, however for quite some time I have become more and more aware that there are so many people who are unhappy. My worrying doesn’t help anyone. I do believe I have an answer and it would be selfish of me to withhold it. People who are unhappy don’t want to be and yet, they cannot snap out of it, they don’t know how. Being happy is not a goal in itself, although I do feel that whenever a person is happy they are far more capable of helping others (feel happy) as well. If we want to get to the root of the matter we have to realise why folks are unhappy. The way I see it, the main cause for a person’s unhappiness is he or she is not where they are.’

Me  ‘Aren’t where they are, what do you mean?’

OBK  ‘Put differently: in order to be happy you have to be where you are. On all levels: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.’

Me ‘I’m afraid I don’t understand: aren’t we always where we are?’

OBK ‘You’ld think so, however, more often than is preferable we are not.’

Me  ‘How so?’

OBK ‘I will put to you some simple “for examples”: when you are eating are you just eating, or are you reading the newspaper as well? When you’re driving, are you just driving, or thinking about the conversation you’re about to have in the office? When listening to someone else, are you hearing their story or filling in the perceived gaps with your own thoughts? When joining the dog for a walk do you have your earplugs in, combining the walk with a good read, thereby missing your surroundings? ‘

Me  ‘Ah, I think I get it, but can’t you make more effective use of your time by combining activities?’

OBK  ‘Yes, of course you can. At the same time, pardon the pun, the feelings of unhappiness are often linked to feelings of stress, which is caused by doing too many things at once. As long as you don’t experience stress you can combine activities, but as soon as there is stress, which is different for each individual, my advice is not to. It’s a good way to train yourself at ‘being where you are’ . ‘

Me  ‘Okay, so once you’re aware you have feelings of unhappiness, or stress which is all too common these days, you know that you have to simplify your actions.’

OBK ‘ Exactly; focus on what you’re doing, be there in the moment. When kissing, kiss. When running, run.  When drawing draw. When planning, plan.’

Me ‘Once you are aware, you train yourself on focusing and once you’re used to engaging in this fashion you can maybe combine?’

OBK  ‘You’ve got it.’

Me ‘Is that it?’

OBK ‘Not quite.’

Me  ‘I thought so.’

OBK  ‘What I have been describing are daily matters, practicalities of organizing one’s life. There’s more to life than the mundane.’

Me  ‘?’

OBK ‘Underneath it all is the desire to feel happy at all times, we do not want to feel pain, hurt resulting in unhappiness. As described above we know it is often the case we’re not happy. The question we have to ask ourselves is: When you feel unhappy can you let yourself just feel it or are you too busy trying to fix it? And underneath this: what does it mean to be happy, can we define happiness?’

Me  ‘Can we?  I mean these are difficult questions OBK.’

OBK  ‘I know. Here I’m afraid there is no easy answer. Each person has their own stuff to deal with and getting to the bottom of what makes you happy and unhappy takes time and effort. And you have to want to make the effort. It’s not just wanting the end result, it’s going for it that counts. The effort is part of the result.’

Me  ‘whoa, slow down, I don’t follow you.’

OBK  ‘for instance, whenever someone says to you “it want to lose weight” what they actually mean is “I want to be slim” they’re not interested in the effort it takes to lose the weight, they want to be slim, thereby forgetting they have to do the hard work themselves. ‘

Me ‘Wanting the stroll without the sweat, bypassing the uphill hike.’

OBK ‘Ha ha, I like your metaphor, yes, that is what I mean.’

Me ‘How do we get from being where you are to the bottom of the underlying unhappiness?’

OBK ‘When you feel unhappy: stay there. Ask yourself why? why do I feel what I feel, where does this come from? Only if you let yourself experience the pain are you able to confront it. You are not this emotion. Neither emotion in fact is important.’

Me ‘Happiness and unhappiness are equal?’

OBK ‘Of course, neither are real, as in a true state of being. It is just that when you experience unhappiness it is something undesired, something you want to shun. When we experience happiness we hardly question it, as it is an enjoyable state of being.’

Me  ‘so, we should be looking at both emotions?’

OBK  ‘I believe so; it is only because we want to turn away from pain, that we want to feel happy at all times. However, pain and pleasure, sadness and happiness, positive and negative feelings are not reality. Reality is breathing in and out and walking and standing still and flying (in my case) running sleeping eating mating dying. We have come to accept that our brains tell us we have thoughts and ideas and emotions, perceptions influenced by our upbringing (nurture) and personal chemistry (nature). It is almost impossible to step outside of ourselves and view our Self impartially: a life worth living. A gift worth the while we’re here. All of it, the ups and downs. As it is so difficult to reach this state of being, which I guess is enlightenment, I would suggest to first try and embrace your pain, the unhappiness in order to attain a state of happiness, and then train yourself……..and one day or perhaps for one moment you will realize the fullness, the true reality, none of it matters.

Embracing one’s pain is therefore the first step to experiencing happiness which is itself just as transient as unhappiness, there is a level where neither exist: where you simply are.’

Me  ‘OBK, this is almost too much for me to get my head around.’

OBK ‘I understand, it is hard work, Saskia, we’ll take a break for now.’

Marlon Williams live at KEXP when I was a young girl