kind of like, too much to tell.....

a 'proper' collage, i.e. made up of actual bits of paper, figures I painted and was not happy with, but liking parts
She then turned into the Ideal Woman

All these thoughts floated about in my head: how we always seem to want to change ourselves, on the outside and on the inside, or at least I do
longer legs, slimmer thighs, bigger boobs, or no, I like flat-chested better, a smaller nose, tighter waist, curls, no straight hair, a darker skin, blue eyes, or maybe green...
Also, thoughts aren't real, how we react to one another, that is real, is what more compassionate towards others

something that caught my eye in an artwork over at Liz': choose kindness
yes we always have a choice, although these days it can seem like we don't

this last image is a collage I made on my ipad and will be printing in a limited edition on good quality paper, to sell in my shop

these two human figures (above and below) are an amalgam of my parents and me, all superimposed and reworked, cut out and glued on again, using their ashes as (part of) the ink; which is also why they are two-gendered, if you were wondering why?
I think every person on earth wants/needs to be loved by their parents, and as we are none of us perfect, we are imperfect parents and are never quite what our children need, or is this just a round-about way of me saying my parents weren't exactly what I needed them to be, nor am I for my boys, anyway great source for art;-)
Speaking of art-as-therapy, I went to Carré theatre in Amsterdam last Sunday together with my sister, to see Grayson Perry's Show for Normal People, it was hilariously brilliant, I really love that guy.

non defined human being

pebble found on walk, seems to me like everything is already there

Went for a walk last evening, on this occasion I decided to go alone, i.e. without the old dog. He has a bad elbow and it was just a tad too hot for his comfort. It somehow turned out to be a different kind of walk.* Firstly because I deviated slightly from my normal routes. I enjoy walking from our house in the several directions open to us, circling back home, noticing the familiar and unfamiliar sights on the way. Yesterday I noticed so much more than I usually do: lots of Common tern visdiefjes diving up and down, flying low over the water's surface, catching fish I imagine. The glistening river. Sunlight bouncing off the water. Surrounded by countless shades of green. How the sun burnt my calves and the back of my neck. The many wild flowers, the various grasses, the insects I recognise and those I don’t. Not minding that I did not know their names, just happy to see them. White butterflies, peacock butterflies dagpauwoog, red creepy crawlies, creamy common hogweed gewone bereklauw, yellow buttercups boterbloemen, purple thistles distel, nettles brandnetel, tall reeds riet. The trees: oak eik willow wilg poplar populier alder els. Some names came to me in Dutch, others in English. For the first time I saw the wind turbines in the far distance as I walked along the dike, I have driven past them countless times on the highway. Modern times. I saw two hares up close: mating? They stopped as I had done to watch them, then carried on as I moved again.   I was aware of a life force in everything, and I thought: how extraordinary that everything I see finds the wherewithal to just keep on going, no matter what we humans do on this planet It was a humbling feeling and I also felt an immense gratitude and happiness to be able to witness it. I was there


*My personal aim is 10.000 steps a day. When I do I’m content with self, if I manage more, more so. However when I don’t I have learnt to embrace that fact and be fine with it.

I sense I am moving into a new phase in life. I am meditating more and looking forward to sitting quietly, huh, who would have thought I would ever look forward to that? not me

I watched two very interesting programs this week on the telly: the episode 'Blauw' in the series 'De Kleuren van Caspers' presented by art historian and artist Charlotte Caspers, whom I had never heard of before but am now already a fan of. It's all in Dutch I'm afraid but there you go.
The other most noticeable thing I saw was the film 'Descending the Mountain' which I found deeply moving and significant on many levels. I highly recommend watching it.

As you can see I have been painting lots more human figures. Thanks to seeing Charlotte use it in her program I now own a glass loper with which I can better mix my dry pigments with water and/or gum Arabic. Who knows the English word for this instrument? I bet Michelle would have..... 
I started off with indigo, moved on to my parents' ashes, added a dash of willow bark thank you @geesinki ended up mixing everything together as I don' t believe in cleaning in between colours, or rather I can't be bothered.
Something very unfortunate happened too: Viggo [in my mind The Terminator] chewed up my favourite brush! I admit I was cross te begin with, but that faded quickly as I was then overcome by fear: would I be able to paint with a different brush just like I could with my favourite?
The answer is 'yes I can, but still not quite comfortable with the new brushes I'm using....' Probably need meditating on and just getting on with it!

the figures below are a mix between the old one and a couple of new brushes



Nancy said…
Saskia~ Such thoughtful new work here. The way the woman of two fetus' is sliced in half, not put quite back me speaks of the tough choices to be made...the figure without arms (further below) me speaks of do we really have the choices we think we do?
Your walk choice, which brought such different results and how that actually does tie in here. Your figure are so amazing and yes, how we see and want to change/fix ourselves...even to this day, even knowing better. Wondering what that says about human female nature? Same with your thoughts on parents/parenting...I had a birth father that didn't care at all and my real Daddy from age 7 on who dearly cared, but was not an easy my own parenting, which I am sure was a disappointment to my boy & girl, to this day.
But, we are not our parents and we are not parents forever....time moves on, relationships morph and change and we all just keep going, best we can.
Thank you for your amazing, process driven art and your thoughts...always insightful. xo
buysse maria said…
hey Saskia prachtig ,het delen ,we zien dezelfde programma's ook nog "het geheim van de meester " waarin Charlotte in het begin meewerkte en nu ... kan me de naam niet herinneren .
de subtiele gelijkenissen die we herkennen in /bij onszelf, bij dieren en planten onze omgeving , ben er meer en meer door geraakt . de wens de nood die zich aandient om stil te zijn te zitten is anders dan vroeger ( het hoofd de gedachte blijft er meer uit ) ik omhels je
Saskia said…
'...relationships morph' ha Nancy, I love this description and will try to repeat this to self when in doubt
Saskia said…
dag Maria, wat een bijzonder mens die Charlotte, Vlaams natuurlijk;-)
Saskia said…
.....and Nancy, having thought a bit more about all you have shared here, I am sorry to read about your fathers
personally I find self looking for the good in both my parents, something I find I need to do (what does that say about me?) as I try to accept the fact they are mere human beings (like me) and therefore all kinds of everything and certainly not responsible for my happiness at my age, or whatever state I might be in

thank you again for sharing personal history and thank you for sharing what you see in the images
deemallon said…
I am falling over with admiration. Just falling over. The layering is stunning. The “primitive” shapes have so much character. Your mixed-inks (with ashes!) lend transparency but also amazing depth. Double genders, typed words, extended arms of all kinds — it seems both wholly new and completely consistent with your prior animals.

I’ve noticed walks without Finn have a very different feel to them. Yours sounds heart opening. Working with the energy and images of your parents is perhaps opening something? Admitting we can never be who our children entirely need opens me to a kind of forgiveness. Something I needed to here.
Saskia said…
opening up to forgiveness is key to just about everything Dee, as I am beginning to understand
starting with oneself and then moving on to seeing others in a much kinder light
I must say I am really glad you like my work, and also, you have such a way with words, helping me to look at my own work from 'a distance'
thank you!
Marjan said…
Hee ms kindness,
Wat een plezierige zomerse verpozing, jouw blog lezen over
bomen, beestjes en brushes, en je perfect women ontmoeten. Ja, ze lijken allemaal op jou...alleen heb jij meer schoenen. :)
Zou het de "oogst"fase zijn waar je naar toe wandelt, waar het mooie uit zichzelf in je schoot beland?
wat een prachtige comments krijg je zeg, heerlijk.

(en ook geen corona ontvangen van Jet, hoera!)
Eind van de week vakantie, heel veel liefs, Marjan

we waren gelijktijdig in Amsterdam afgelopen zondag....
Saskia said…
ha Marjan, leuk jou hier te zien;-)
zitten nu in kerk in breda: BFA uitreiking Kylian, hoera
i always come immediately when you first post....and then again
and again...
lately internet does not allow me time
but eeee...i've gotten through?, maybe?
these latest tender and vulnerable to our eyes
LOVE so much all this you are giving the world
Saskia said…
hi Grace, it's good to know you do come here [and that your quirky internet keeps you from commenting]
I'm not sure why, but my longtime-somewhat-dormant preoccupation with our vulnerability as humans has surfaced and continues to express itself through the paintings....perhaps it has to do with my age, also the times we live in

I used to imagine we would have found solutions to pollution et cetera, but have come to realise we are not as smart as we like to think we are

thankfully our children are optimistic and look forward to finding ways to deal with whatever life throws at them
personally I find consolation and joy in practicing yoga and meditation on a daily basis, keeps me grounded
jude said…
You are one fine artist...there is evolution
Saskia said…
thank you Jude, this is just what I needed today!



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