Sunday, 22 December 2013

a sense of loss

 walk this morning along the river; stumbling through high grasses and dead plants I realised with a sudden pang of sadness I hadn't been back here after Tungsten's death

 he used to love coming here, nose either glued to the ground when he'd caught the scent of a pheasant or up in the air standing completely still, apart from his trembling nostrils, trying to catch a whiff of some bird or other hiding in the underbrush







 he would always drink here where the willows meet the river and he could carefully dip his nose into the water without fear of falling in; afterwards he would come for a vigorous cuddle and he would be jumping up and down for joy which made me laugh and then we'ld head back the way we came back to the house and studio






i miss him 

 print experiments on strips of cloth, above looks like a naked winter's tree on a hillock with a full moon and starry sky or so I mumble to self whilst sewing and looking and heaving a sigh in remembrance of our beloved dog

 printed on back and front, the bird is barely visible; another way it could go

desk; it's 6.30 pm local time and black outside


7 comments:

Marti said...

My first inclination was to say to you Saskia that you have your memories but nope, sometimes it isn't the same as that breathing goofy dog proud of his accomplishments, dipping his nose in the river without falling in so I will just say, I feel your sadness...

Patty said...

I know how big a hole in life a good
dog leaves. Heck, even a bad dog leaves a wrenching void. Your words
show your love and loss. Take care.

Nancy said...

Your words...my heart, I so feel this loss of yours. Your fading bird (and everything else) is beautiful. Maybe a Tungsten stamp is next, to help him keep space here with you in the now.
Big love to you Sasx :)
xo Nancy

grace Forrest~Maestas said...

some day...we will go. just like
he did. people will maybe have
these feelings.
it's how it is.
coming/going

what do we MAKE of IT????

jan said...

Saskia, there's nothing I can say that will have meaning; sometimes I wonder how we manage to get up every day when loss walks so close beside us. It breaks our heart/s. I wish you a Peaceful MidWinter, and may 2014 bring you what you need. Love X

saskia said...

to all of you who have left your kind, comforting words a huge thank you!!
some words like goofy, wrenching, fading, make, peaceful all connect, connect us and connect the living with the dead and they are kind of there in our memories;
I am surprised at how all of a sudden the grief hits me, when I set out for the walk I felt okay, but I see that this is how the grieving goes....
again a heartfelt thank you

patricia said...

"how grieving goes"--it is so unique to each person, isn't it. and sometimes it seems to just go on and on and on. but one thing i've noticed, i've noticed my dreams change when the healing seems almost complete. they change and the one dreamed about is usually happy. my St. Bernard--Avalance--came to me in a dream years ago--romping through snow fields happy as a lark. that was the last dream and it was then that i knew all was well with him. look for Tungsten. he WILL come to you.